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Professor of Family Medicine Oregon Health and Sciences University 3181 SW Sam Jackson Park Road Portland, Oregon
| Edited by John L Long. Published by One More Soul, Dayton, OH, 2003. ISBN
0-9669777-5-0. Paperbound, x + 296 pp. (21.5 x 14 cm), $8.95.
www.OMSoul.com
|
Published Online, October 3, 2003. www.theannals.com, DOI 10.1345/aph.1D447
The editor has masterfully compiled a collection of the lived reality of 20 couples, who boldly tell of their decisions, their subsequent regrets, and, ultimately, their courageous recovery from what these couples now view as one of the worst decisions of their married lives. Yet at the time of their decision to undergo sterilization, few of the couples had serious concerns or ambivalence. In fact, many had no reservations at all. Most were strongly encouraged to go ahead with the procedure — often by their spouses, family, friends, doctors, and, in some cases, even their priests. Each couple had carefully weighed the pros and cons. Each had seemingly strong, sometimes compelling, logic justifying their decisions. The reasons varied, ranging from financial worries to child care responsibilities, and fears of complications with pregnancy. For some, issues of equality within the marriage were part of the driving force: "He felt forced into it because I had endured 3 surgeries, and he saw my discomfort with pregnancy and recovery." For others, external forces were more influential: "Tammy felt the social pressures more than I about having fewer children."
Despite their initial confidence in the perceived benefits, each couple poignantly reveals the negative impact of sterilization on their lives. In some cases, this wasn't long in coming. One spouse noted, "Almost immediately afterwards, he was very angry with me about the procedure. We discussed it, but I don't think we ever really got to the root of his anger until years later." A single such story might be dismissed as poor couple communication; yet, the common thread in each of the 20 testimonies makes any such casual dismissal problematic. Certainly, many of the couples acknowledged ongoing stresses at the time of the sterilization (even thoughts of divorce with some), yet other couples were remarkably close and loving, with a shared faith and philosophy and few pressures, either external or internal.
At some level, all thought they were acting responsibly. Yet in time, a common negative outcome emerged in each relationship. One noted, "After the vasectomy, our focus was on self-gratification and not on verbal communication." Another couple noticed that their sexual relationship became less satisfying, even laborious: "While we didn't fear pregnancy, our physical, emotional, and intellectual intimacy at times lacked something... I didn't connect it to the vasectomy until much later." This same spouse's frustration at his physician is hardly veiled about the perceived harm the procedure had caused both him and their marriage: "The vasectomy is very humiliating as you expose yourself not only physically to the doctor but also spiritually and emotionally; however, the doctor involved never once talked to us about the emotional devastation caused by the procedure."
Of interest, many of the couples began their story by describing their initial hesitancy to write openly about such usually private and intimate decisions. Yet, there is clearly a passion propelling each couple to share what they now know to be true; in essence, their lives were poorer for having chosen to become sterile. Their common hope in writing is to ensure other couples might be better informed should they ever consider the option of permanent sterilization. This alone would form a good basis to make the book worth buying and reading.
However, the book's most important contribution unfolds in the message conveyed by its title, indicating the remarkable gift and positive impact of the decision to undergo sterilization reversal. In some cases, the impact of the reversal was as direct and measurable as the children born — Simon, Katharine, Elizabeth, and Jonathan, to name a few. The joy expressed by some of the parents who have successfully restored their fertility is palpable. Their writing leaves an indelible impression that "pregnancy was a very special blessing for us. It felt like we were having our first child all over again... it felt like I was holding Christ! Thank you God."
Even for couples who underwent the reversal procedure but have not yet been blessed with a successful pregnancy, their peace and joy emanates from the pages: "I felt whole again" and "our communication is enhanced... our hearts are open to whatever God wants." In every case, the couples choosing to reverse their sterilization grew closer: "We have a new appreciation for each other and have grown together in our faith journey." In some cases, their careers and lives radically changed for the better after choosing to reverse one of the most common surgical procedures done in this country.
Although most of the stories reveal that the couples became more fervent in their faith, the religious upbringing and practice of the couples at the time of their sterilization varied. Many expressed the sense that they had been moving further away from their faith. Even when this was not the case, such couples felt the sterilization had caused a chasm between them and God. Choosing to reverse the sterilization procedure not only resulted in stronger marriages for each couple, but stronger commitment to their faith.
While I found the stories in this book refreshing and uplifting, I suspect that there may be barriers for some to be fully open to reading it. For example, the obvious professions of faith and frequent referencing to God by many couples in this book might cause some agnostic or atheistic readers to close their minds. Others, fearful about population growth, are likely to find the book at odds with their worldview. Still others may dismiss these testimonies as being aberrations not worthy of serious consideration. Nevertheless, ignoring the lived experience of these couples does not make their experiences any less true. As such, the very real problems identified by these couples with sterilization need be shared.
In summary, I think that Sterilization Reversal: A Generous Act of Love provides an invaluable perspective for any individual or couple considering sterilization. Furthermore, I believe it should be required reading for any healthcare professional (whether nurse practitioner, obstetrician/gynecologist, family physician, urologist) to appropriately counsel and provide truly informed consent for individuals requesting sterilization.
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